a mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. the mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks him if he wants to play a fun game. the engineer just wants to sleep so politely refuses and turns away.

 

the mathematician persists and explains that the game is really simple and lots of fun. he says " i ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you give me a fiver. then you ask me a question and if i don't know the answer i give you a fiver."

 

again the engineer politely declines and tries to get some sleep. the mathematician is getting agitated by now and goes on to say "OK, if you don't know the answer you give me a fiver and if i dont know the answer i give you a fifty...!"

 

this gets the engineers attention and added to that the resignation that the mathematician won't be satisfied until he plays along agrees to the game. the mathematician asks the first question. "what is the distance from the earth to the moon?"

 

the engineer says nothing but takes out his wallet and hands the mathematician a fiver. then the engineer asks the mathematician "what goes up a hill on three legs but comes down on four?"

 

the mathematician hasn't a clue, he searches all references on his laptop for any information, uses the modem and in flight phone to scour the internet, finally he emails all his colleagues for the answer but to no avail.

 

after a couple of hours searching the mathematician wakes up the engineer and hands him a fifty. the engineers takes it and goes back to sleep.

 

after another hour the mathematician wakes the engineer again and asks him "what does go up a hill on three legs and comes down on four?" the engineer calmy pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician another fiver and goes to sleep.

Saturday was the last performance of Sleuth.... thankfully, the stress was a nightmare. Got through it ok though. didn't do too badly. Got nearly all the lines out in approximately the right place. Bob took some fotos of me in my clown outfit so will attach them when i get them.

 

There was an extra bit of direction on the night though. Before the performance Noel (ace director) said the sound effect for the safe explosion was not goign to work so i had to go "BOOM". He was told that the same thing had happened the night before and that was what i did and it got a laugh. So we kept it in.

 

It was a good audience too. All laughing in the right places. No mobile fones going off like one did the night before!!!!

 

So whats next...?

 

PANTO!!!

 

Snow White rehearsals begin on Friday so more lines to learn. I will be Sir Farley the Lord Chamberlain.... I think..!

Wednesday night we had a good run of Sleuth, Thursday was better (having spent a while on the script to re-learn the bits i missed on Wednesday), but last night was the best so far. If you ignore the slip of the tongue in the second act. I called Hamleys a "toy story" in Regent street instead of a toy shop. Thought i got away with it but being greeted to "to infinity and beyond" when i got to the bar after the performance re-assured me that some one had read the script!

 

Chris even got the "prestidigitation" speech out last nigth which nearly gave me a laughing fit. He had missed it in both the previous performances. Wouldn't you with words like that?

 

And i completely buggered up the Latin section "non teneas nurum totem quad splendet ut aurum" which came out "non teneas nurum quad erat demonst... er!!.. random"..... very random but almost there!

 

Oh yeah.. the sound effects were a bit ropey last night too. When the safe blew open it was left to me to produce the "boom" of the explosion. Got a laugh though. And my Doppler hat fell off when i took a swig of my brandy. It got a laugh but i got a bigger laugh when i went for another swig later, turned my eyes up to my hat and thought better of it... you had to be there.

 

And the crowning turd in my scene setting section was the spoonered sentence describing Andrews mistress as "she whos cobalt eyes were the secret porest fools of Finlandia...." AAAArrrrggghhh!!! That one didn't get missed i think.

 

......any way, only tonight to get through. I have never been under such stress on a stage in my life. Its bloody good fun though!

 

 

Last night was the first performance of Sleuth - a play wot i is in. It went well except for the usual missed lines and fumbling for position on stage. Go to this link for details..... http://www.knutsfordlittletheatre.com/index.htm

 

Still got 3 more performances to get it right but the play was adjudicated last night so thats less pressure. At least the audience enjoyed it so the adjudication should be OK. So today i will be mostly reading the script. its odd but we both know the script but when you get on stage the fear takes over and you stuff it up. Ah well, at least i get to indulge my taste for getting my kit off on stage.

had my name put into an anagramizer and it came out with...

 

Mad Ninja Tends Virgin

 

other names:

 

Elizabeth Jennings - Jail Benign Zest Hen

Kelvin Badger - Drinkable Veg

Ann Bradley - Anal By Nerd

Andrew Kelly - Elderley Wank

Rebecca Judith Stockton - Jackbooted Tit Crunches

Marjorie Josephine Jennings - Marj Pioneering Jennies Josh

Megan Elizabeth Renee Ward - Am Wheezier Bland Teenager

Janet Ann Ward - Tanned Jan Raw

Robert Andrew Jennings - Warning Jester Nob Nerd

Matthew Screwton - Monster Chew Twat

Natalie Rothwell - Leather Tall Wino

 

 

 

This weekend I'm gonna show you my willy,

This weekend I'm gonna show you my dong,

This weekend I'm gonna show you my pee pee,

Even my balls..

 

Mueren ya las ilusiones del ayer,

Que sacie con lujurioso amor,

Y muere tambien con sus promensas crueles,

La inspiracion que un dia le brinde.

 

Con candor el alma entera yo le di,

Pensando nuestro idilio consagrar,

Sin pensar que ella lo que buscaba en mi,

Era el amor de loca juventud.